Envy of faith?

So long and so often I have scoffed at faith and those who bear it. So often I have pitied the poor, naive fools who believe in such absurdity, the fairytale bedtime story they take as truth. For we are alone, alone in a world built by science, molecules, matter; existing by accident, not divine intent. This is us, this is all we are: a tiny, miniscule race, insignificant in the subterranean vastness of time and space. We are born, we grown old, we die, and awaiting us is the long, dark dreamless slumber.
But now, though I may never share their beliefs – cannot share them – I envy them. They feel life has meaning. No matter what heart-breaking, soul-shattering event may befall them, no matter how bruised and broken they may become, they can clasp their hands together, cradling hope, look towards the sky and find strength and courage and purpose. Beyond this temporal existence, there is a perpetual light shining, everlasting peace and harmony stretching on through eternity. They have a constant companion, a ubiquitous friend to guide them. And in their dark hours, there is always comfort.
So yes, I envy them. For me, in the late hours of the cold night, as I lie awake in the blackness enveloping me, there are no arms to embrace me, no fire to warm me, no light to guide me. There is just me, me, and the long, dark, dreamless slumber ahead.



I came across this on my harddrive earlier. Pretty depressing eh? Not surprising though, conisidering I was depressed at the time of writing. But dsepite the maudlin overtones, I think I still agree with its main point; I don't understand religion, the whole concept seems implausible, when there is evidence to the contrary to it. Do people really believe that the first two humans were Adam and Eve and they ate an apple which had them thrown out of paradise? Do they have love for the being who told a man to murder his own son, or who tormented Job to win a bet? We'd characterise such a person as sadistic, wouldn't we? Yet religious people - Christians in this case, as it's the only religion I really know enough about to comment on - proclaim this being to be loving and just. I don't see that at all, not in the Old Testament at least. Jesus seems like a sound man, with good ideals. But I don't believe he was anything more than a man ahead of his time.



People believe in the flood that killed the world (another act by that totally loving being) happened, and that God protects them. I don't understand it, I certainly don't share it, but I'll let it be (I don't have anything against religious people, aside from those who use it to justify crime or who try to force it upon others - and hey, athiests can be just as evangelical in that regard). And yet, as in the above extract, I do envy those with that solid faith, because of all the comfort they glean from it.



It may also surprise you to know that I'm not an athiest; I suppose I'm an agnostic of sorts, but my beliefs are strange and I'm not entirely sure of them myself. Might do a post about those one day, maybe it'll help me get them in order.



In the meantime, I'll leave you with this message from Epicurus, another man ahead of his time.